Wedding Rehearsals:
Do we really need one?

Wedding rehearsals are now considered extraneous and being phased out just as the receiving line and the words ‘obey’ and the phrases “speak now or forever hold your peace” and “who gives this bride away”? But if you want a rehearsal, let me suggest some ways to have it run smoothly and effectively.

1. Be open to the suggestion that the rehearsal doesn’t necessarily have to be the night before your wedding. Any evening during the previous week will work, giving you the opportunity to relax on the eve of your wedding.
   
   
2. Think of a central location, easily accessible to everyone you invite. The rehearsal doesn’t have to be at the wedding location especially if it is out of the way or in a congested traffic pattern.
   
   
3. Make a list of everyone in your wedding party and the order of procession. One of the most important people at your wedding is the ‘point person’. He/she can be a friend, a relative, or the on-site wedding coordinator. He/she is the one who will tell everyone to sit down when the ceremony is about to start, let the groom and minister know when the bride is ready, let the DJ know when to begin and when to change the music. Give your point person the list and let everyone else know that all they have to do is pay attention to the person you’ve selected.
   
   
4. Tell the wedding party where they are going to stand once they get up to the altar, gazebo, etc. The groomsmen traditionally stand to the left of the officiant, in other words, they come down the aisle and turn right. Depending upon the space, they should be standing in a ‘wing’ formation. The bridesmaids will stand on the right side of the oficiant in the same formation. The ring bearer and flower girl can stand wherever they want (which they will do anyway) or you can have their mothers or fathers motion to them to come sit down.
   
   
5. In order for everyone to be able to see the bride and groom and for good ‘photo ops’, you want to stand in a modified wing formation, the groom with his left shoulder pointing outwards toward the audience, and the bride with her right toward the audience. When you are ready to speak the vows, the couple can face each other. Stand close enough so you can take each other’s hand. Note: For the groom - as your bride’s person walks her down the aisle, wait until they get within about one stride of the front, take your bride’s hand and walk her up to the place you will stand.
   
   
6. Pay attention to the day of the week, the time and location of the rehearsal. Dawn, the bride, called her wedding party to remind them of the rehearsal for her Saturday wedding. Almost every person said, “You expect me to drive to that part of town on a Friday night with all the traffic? I don’t think so.” You may want to have the rehearsal at another location that’s easier to get to and/or earlier in the day so people don’t have to contend with traffic.

If you follow the suggestions above, you won’t need a rehearsal, unless you feel it is absolutely necessary. One of the first questions brides ask me is, “Does your fee include a rehearsal?” The answer is ‘no’, not because I want to charge more for weddings, but because rehearsals are usually unnecessary and create added stress. Well-meaning family members will want to make suggestions and change your perfectly planned ceremony. It’s their way of feeling involved and “helpful”. Be firm with your own ideas and plans, it’s your day.

At $50 to $100 per hour, you don’t need a minister, Justice of the Peace or wedding officiant present for a rehearsal. After all, their role is to stand in front of the joyful couple and join them in union. They don’t have to know who is walking up the aisle first. They don’t have to know if the flower girl is coming in before or after the ring bearer. Their primary responsibility is to hold the space and create peace so the couple can have the ceremony they’ve always dreamed of. So, you might choose to rethink the need for a rehearsal and spend a quiet, romantic evening with your betrothed instead.